Lone Ranger

I miss you. I miss being able to be around you without the world and it's responsibilities getting in the way. I have had such great news in the last week. I'm going to marry you.  I don't know when, I don't know how, but it's going to happen.  This is great news, but the one person I want to celebrate with is you, my other half, but you are working. I have no celebrations, no joys, no one here.  I feel alone, especially when I don't get to spend anytime with you...when I am sitting alone in our home wondering when you are going to come home to me.

I look around at others who are always together, who can talk to each other at any time of the day, who get to spend quality time together.  Is it so wrong of me to want that?  I know that careers are important and responsibilities have to be met; I understand that. Call me selfish, call me anything, that's find.  I just want you here with me. I want to feel like you are here supporting me in my efforts to tell my good news, in being scared to go home and tell my family, to face un-acceptance once again. I don't want to be alone.  Is it always going to be like this?

I don't know what else to do with myself. I am here. You are my companion, but you are always gone, always busy.  I know it's your career, it's your life, but now I am a big part of your life as you have said.  I want you to see me.  I don't want to be lost in the shuffle of your busyness. Don't let me parish and get swept under your rug. Don't let me be here without you.  I need to feel you, to know, to feel some sense of joy and happiness to spend time with me once you are home instead of you embracing sleep so quickly and falling into the darkness without me.  I try to chase after you, but I can never find it.  It's too dark and I have no more light without your shine.